28.8 - Another Year Passed

Alhamdulillah. 28.8.2026 

Another year has passed. Another year older.

But honestly, growing older feels a little different this time.

This year, I lost a lot of things.

I lost people I never thought I would have to live without.

And the biggest loss of all was my mother.

For the first time in my life, there was no birthday wish from her.

No message.

No call.

No “Happy Birthday” from the person who brought me into this world.

And I think a part of me disappeared with her too.

Honestly, this birthday I lost more than I ever expected to.

I lost people.

I lost moment.

And somewhere along the way, I lost a version of myself that I don't think I'll ever get back.

I think a part of me is still trying to understand how life can change so much in such a short amount of time.

People always say that life goes on.

Yes. it does.

The days continue. The sun still rises. People still laugh. Birthdays still come every year.

But sometimes, you continue living while carrying a version of yourself that no longer feels complete.

I never really cared much about celebrating my birthday anyway. 

I’ve never been the kind of person who gets excited about birthdays. 

And this year, I really didn’t feel like celebrating at all.

Maybe because some days remind me more than others about the people who are no longer here. But somehow, even in the middle of all the sadness, 

Allah still sent me people who made sure I didn’t feel completely alone.

And this is something I probably would never post on Instagram. 

Because.. imagine posting such a long emotional caption there. So cringe tho. 😂

But I want to write this here.

Because I want to remember this moment.

I want to remember the people who showed up for me when I didn’t even know how to ask for help.

So here it is.

Dear cousins,

Thank you.

Thank you for staying, even when I pushed all of you away.

I know sometimes I disappear.

Sometimes I become quiet.

Sometimes I distance myself from everyone.

Sometimes I act like I’m okay because I don’t really know how to explain what I’m feeling.

But somehow, you guys always know.

You always seem to know when something isn’t right.

And then suddenly.. you guys show up.😄

Sometimes without me asking.

Without me even saying a single word.

You just come.

And I don’t think you realise how much that means to me :)

I know I’ve never really said these things directly to your faces. 

Maybe because I’m awkward.. because being emotional in front of people makes me uncomfortable. 😂

But since this is a public post, I guess this is my official confession.

I appreciate all of you.

I appreciate every single thing you do for me.

Thank you for coming over just to cheer me up during my birthday.

Seriously.. I don’t think you understand how much I appreciated that.

I don’t even know how to put into words how much I love you guys.

I hope you know that I love you with all my heart.

And I never expect anything in return.

The fact that you are still here, standing beside me, is already more than enough for me.

Even when all of you are busy with your own lives, your own problems, your own responsibilities.. you still make space for me.

And I will never take that for granted.

Thank you for making me feel loved during a time when a part of me still feels lost.

Thank you for reminding me that even though I lost someone I can never replace.. I still have people around me who are trying their best to hold my heart together.

And I will always remember that.

Every year, you guys never forget to write me beautiful letters.

And honestly, I always look forward to read that letters.

Maybe I don’t say it enough, but reading your letters has become one of the things I look forward to every birthday.

And yes.. I still keep every single letter you have ever given me. 🥰

Because words stay.

People grow older. Lives change. We get busy. We move into different phases of life.

But those letters will always remind me of the version of us that existed at that moment.

And I think that’s beautiful :)

So this year, on my birthday, instead of wishing for something for myself..

I pray for all of you.

I pray that every dream you have will come true.

I pray that Allah removes every sadness that you carry quietly in your hearts and replaces it with happiness you never thought you would find.

I pray that Allah blesses you with love that is sincere, and safe.

I pray that the people who enter your lives will have good hearts and good intentions.

I pray that Allah grants you success in this life and in the hereafter.

And most importantly, I pray that Allah protects every step you take and blesses your journey with beautiful things.

Even when I don’t say it all the time,

Your happiness will always be something I pray for :)

To Hana,

Thank you for everything :)

And thank you for the letter you wrote for me.

I cried.

Okay, maybe not full dramatic ugly crying.

But you really touched my heart. 🥹

Thank you for being part of my life.

And now.. you’re about to get married.

I pray that Allah makes everything easy for you and blesses your upcoming marriage.

honestly, a part of me feels sad.

Not because I don’t want you to be happy.

Of course I do.

I am so, sooooo happy that you found your happiness.

But I think I’m just sad because I know things will change after this.

You’ll have a husband.

A new life.

New responsibilities.

And maybe after this, we won’t be able to randomly say, “Wehh jom lepak” and disappear somewhere together like we always do. 😂

I know that’s life.

People grow up.

People fall in love.

People get married.

And slowly, everyone starts building their own little world.

But I hope that somewhere inside your new life, there will still be a little space for us.

For your crazy cousins.

For random plans.

For stupid conversations.

For the memories we haven’t made yet.

No matter where life takes you, I hope you always remember this:

I will always be here for you :)

No matter what happens in your life.

No matter how much things change.

If you ever need anything, just reach for me okay?

Anytime.

I promise, I will be there.

And even though I’m sad to see this chapter of our lives changing..

I will always choose your happiness.

So go.

Build your beautiful life.

Love your husband.

Be happy.

And please don’t forget us okay. 🥹

I love you.

And I pray that your marriage will be filled with love, peace, laughter, and all the beautiful things you deserve.❤️

To Kak Lang,

Thank you for your beautiful letter too.

You made me emotional as well.

Why are you guys trying to make me cry on my own birthday? 😭😂

Thank you for always being there for me.

Thank you for being one of my biggest supporters.

And honestly, you’re also one of the reasons why I keep writing.

Maybe you don’t realise how much your support means to me.

Thank you for always listening to my random thoughts.

My random feelings.

My unnecessary overthinking.

My emotional moments.

And all the things that suddenly appear in my head at 2AM. 😂

I love you so much.

And please..

Don’t be sad too okay?

Just stay single for a while and come explore the world with me. HAHAHA

You can be my travel partner if you want.

I welcome you with open arms. 😂

But jokes aside..

I pray that every dream you have will come true.

I pray that Allah opens doors for you that you never even imagined.

And I hope you know that if you ever need someone to talk to,

If you ever feel lost,

If life ever feels too heavy,

Or if you just need someone to listen to your random thoughts..

I’m always here for you too.

Always :)

I hope both of you truly know how much I love you. ❤️

Sometimes I may not say it.

Sometimes I may act like I don’t care.

I might even push all of you away.

But please never mistake my silence for the absence of love.

Because the truth is..

I love you more than I know how to express.

And I would do anything just to see both of you happy.

When I say that I will always be here for you, I mean it.

When I say I love you, I mean it.

And when I pray for your happiness, I mean every single word :)

This year, my birthday taught me something.

Life can take away the people you thought would always be there.

It can change everything in a single moment.

It can leave you standing in the same place, but still feeling like you are no longer the same person.

But sometimes, Allah also sends people who quietly remind you that you are still loved.

And this year..

You guys were that reminder for me.

So thank you.

For showing up.

For staying.

For the letters.

For the laughter.

For the memories.

For loving me even when I’m not always easy to love.

For being there when I don’t even know how to ask anyone to stay.

I don’t know what the future looks like.

I don’t know how much our lives will change.

One day, all of you might have your own families, your own children, your own responsibilities.

Maybe we won’t see each other as often.

Maybe our random late night conversations will become less frequent.

Maybe our group will never be the same.

But I hope that no matter where life takes us..

We will always remember this version of us.

The version that laughed macam orang gila when we lepak together.

The version that annoyed each other.

The version that fought, disappeared, came back, and stayed anyway.

The version that grew up together.

Because no matter how old we get,

A part of me will always be grateful that I got to have you as my cousins :)

And after losing so much this year, 

I think I finally understand something.

The people who show up for you when your heart is broken are the people you should hold close.

And you guys are some of those people.

Thank you for everything.

I love you guys more than you will ever know. ❤️

Sincerely,

Shalyna Shyla

Your hot, spicy, emotionally damaged, crazy cousin.

P/S: Hana is officially going out of the group soon. So I guess after this I need to recruit someone else to join our group.

Applications are now open.

If anyone wants to be my cousin, please DM me.

We can build the family from scratch. hahahah